Please don't ask me

Just recently I saw Gretchen Baretto singing the classic song filled with so much emotions. I have heard so many versions but I still love the original - John Farham's version. Everytime I hear the song it just makes me stop and listen to it endlessly especially when I feel down...when I am loveless.

I guess the lyrics hit me hard this time. Every word, every line gives me a heavy heart and misty eyes. My world stops for a while and my heart aches and longs for the wonderful memories that keep on flooding in. How could something so wrong feel so right? It is a never endless battle with my conscience, a continuous painful experience that I hope is worth enduring.

There is never a time that goes by when I think of him. There are things that cannot be explained in just words. I can never bear to live the life with lies so I'd rather take the backstage and watch the curtains rise and fall before me.

I was reading one day a forwarded email which wasn't typical of me. I saw this two-liner inspirational quote with the background of a boy standing and looking over the horizon. It says "Don't be sad it was over. Be happy for it was once yours." I hope I will be able to live each day with that knowledge in my heart and content in my heart.

Just to share with everybody the song that I am carrying in my heart right now....here it goes :

Please don't ask me
what am i thinking
It's about you
And please don't ask me
I never can see you
What can i do
My first impulse is to
run to your side
My heart's not free,
and so i must hide
Please don't ask me
What i'm gonna say to you
I toss and turn
Can't sleep at night
It's worrying me, I go to bed
Turn out the light
But your face i see
It only hurts
The more i pretend
That we could ever
Be more than friends
Please don't ask me
Why I'm so in love with you
You could easily make me happy
That I know
But I try my best to
never tell you so
I will sing to you my love songs
And pretend but I'll keep my
secrets right down
To the end
Please don't ask me why
I'm not talking
I just can't explain
And please don't ask me
Why I go walking out in the rain
I could not live the
lie it would take
To have you near would be a mistake
Please don't ask me
Why I'm still in love with you
No please don't ask me

You turn my world upside down

Music turns my world upside down. Felt like my eyes are drooping so I decided to put aside Kyle for the meantime. I checked out my limewire songs and downloaded only four. Lucky me, got one of my faves...the live and acoustic version of U2.

While I was trying to listen only to the preview, I got sucked and caught up in the swirling and sudden randomness of the WMPs visuaizations. My eyes fixated on the effects while my mind wanders around. Felt like I end up somewhere....the beat and rhythm...dragged me to a solitary fortress where I lost myself.

Pulling back to reality, I heard the words that seemeed to echo in through the plugged earphones....."See the stone set in your eyes, see the thorn twist on your side, I wait for you. Sleight of hand and twist of fate, on a bed of nails, he makes me wait, and wait without you"....Suddenly, I swirled back to a moment of mixed thoughts...then it hits me again "Through the storm, we reach the shore, you give it all but I want more, and I'm waiting for you"...Is it the sound of the guitar?the voice of U2?or the memories associated with every line that makes my heart pound louder?...."My hands are tied, my body bruised he's got me with, .....NOTHING LEFT TO WIN AND NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE, WITH OR WITHOUT YOU"....so I played it again...trying to figure out what makes it different from the rest...but I just keep on hearing the words..."WITH OR WITHOUT YOU"

You are my music. You complete me with your sweet melody that keeps my heart beating. With your rhythm that pumps up blood flowing in my veins. With your words that save me from drowning in this chaotic world. But when I turn off the volume...my music slowly fades....turning the room into a deafening silence...I have to learn to appreciate the silence and forget humming my music. Kiss me away....

PPP wanna-be's

Writing is my passion. It is my ultimate expression of my feelings. Whenever I am having a hard time expressing my feelings about someone or something, I pick up my pen and my notebook to help me unload it off my chest.

Then came the blog. At first, I must admit that I still follow the conventional type of pen and paper writing. Since technology has been rapidly advancing before right our very eyes, I thought I'd give blogging a shot. After doing some blogging, a close friend of mine has shared with me that I could earn through writing. She told me to browse and try PayPerPost or PPP.

Upon hearing it, I was hesitant at first because I had little knowledge on the mechanics of earning just by writing. After I read the PPP mechanics and other blogger's comments and feedbacks on PPP, I was encouraged to join. I said to myself, "I will lose nothing but instead I will gain more from joining PPP."

How? PPP is not only a channel for bloggers to showcase their writing skills but it is also a venue for networking. You get to meet other people of different race with different writing styles. You get to learn from them and from your mistakes. It would also enhance the self-confidence and self-esteem of the blogger. Further, you don't only get to have fun while blogging but you also get it worth your time.

So for all you bloggers out there, you might want to try joining PPP. It's as easy as typing www.payperpost.com in your address bar.




blog network

What is your Bucket list?

The Bucket list is a heartwarming comedy-drama starring two of the most renowned actors of all time : Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. Jack plays as Edward Cole, a coffee-lover billionaire who owns the hospital where Morgan was brought into. Morgan plays Carter Chambers, a soulful, brilliant, family-man who supported his family by being a car mechanic.

The story is about 2 complete strangers who both have terminal cancer with only 6 more months left. Upon knowing their fates, together, they made their bucket list of things that they want to do or experience before they leave this world. For Carter, it was just meant to be metaphorical when he was scribbling his list. Being the more adventurous and affluent, Cole reworked the list to avert the humdrums of their life.

Soon they set off to skydiving in America, racing the tracks off with their vintage cars, getting a tattoo, sitting and appreciating the view of the pyramids of Egypt, having a nice time in France, Tiger hunting in South Africa and was supposed to climb up the Himalayas but a storm was coming through so they went off to Hongkong instead.

They were getting a real deal of their bucket list but the greatest and best part of the list was not at all found in the travels and adventures they took. They both found out the true joy and have brought the same to other people as well.

The movie runs along the story of white/black, rich/poor people. In some scenes, it conveys that having faith, having someone or something to believe in is important. That amidst the challenges that you have been struggling to, it is important to hold on something that you look up to.

At the end of the story, they both realized that true joy can be shared and gained with your family and friends. A life that has been given meaning by soul-searching by closing your eyes and letting your heart open.

The real message of the story is about living life at your best like it will be your last day. It is about visiting the places you want to go to, recognizing and appreciating the people dear to you, and upholding your personal values - all the good things in life.

I recommend this movie to all those who want to watch a feel-good movie. Something to ponder : What is your bucket list?

I was trying to distract myself from shedding a tear. I had to plug my earphone and listen to the songs that was supposed to help me recover myself back to its normal state. As if taunting, Lauren Christy sang "Steep". I wanted a more upbeat music to help me revive my dying heart. Then like a knife that feels like being twisted inside me getting deeper and deeper, Celine Dion sings her heart out with "I love you....Goodbye".

I need to feel alive again. I soak my hands and try to grab and hold the sand in my hands. I wanted to hold it and bring it home with me but little by little as I walk through the shore, I notice that the grains kept on slipping through my fingers. Then I stop and face the sun as it sets. I knew then that I can't hold my hands tight enough to carry my sand. So as the water washes the falling sand on my feet, I opened my palm and painfully let go.

I'll never know if I did the right thing but I know it was the best at that moment. I'll never know if and when I come back and decide to keep the sand that I threw, it will still be there. What I know right now is that it hurts more than he'll ever know.

The sign

How could a small straight line change forever....everything? It's amazing how little things can change the way you view bigger things in your life.

How could those two straight colored lines rearranged my life in just a few seconds. It was like heaven dropped on me when I saw the sign. I kept on staring at it for a few seconds before it really knocked me off my mind that I had to hit the shower. I wasn't really sure what I was doing, what I was feeling. I just wanted to stay home and lie there all day long. I wanted to cry and just pop out of the scene for a while. I wanted to ignore what I saw but I can't.

People seemed so happy about what they have just learned. How could they when my eyes goes right through them when they smile and congratulated me. My mind was blank. I guess I was more worried and scared than ever before. I was suddenly like trapped in a box without any windows or door to go out and breathe in and out to. I felt like I am alone again. I am scared of so many things. I dreaded this day but the sign gave me away.

For the past few days, I was already anxious because I know I never missed it. Everytime I check it I get so frustrated that it was a false alarm. I was still hoping that this one is an exception but my instincts tells me otherwise.

I am like a college girl confronted with this unwanted thing. I know there's no one to blame but me. I guess I am alone again. Right now I want to stand at the edge of the cliff or jump off the golden gate bridge of Francisco. Those two lines presents an insurmountable feeling, a load of anxiety, opened the gates of an unexplained feeling of being lost.....

Politics of Watershedshed policy-making

Watershed policymaking as presented by Woolley and Mc Ginnis was triggered by an ecological crisis faced by the United States. There was a sharp decline in native species diversity, specifically the wild salmon and ecological system health. The policy emerged as a solution for the significant decrease in the native diversity and ecosystems. In this regard, the public problem that was presented is as to how watersheds should be defined and for what purpose and an effort to integrate scientific facts and cultural values in coming up with a unanimous decision and a successful watershed organizations.

The different policy actors carried an important role in the success of creating a watershed organization. The private landowners who saw the threat that they are facing was no to be taken for granted; the governmental agencies, and; the NGO's who pushed for the program that will solve the problem of extinction of wild salmon and decline in ecoystem health.

In the case of the Sacramento River, the private property owners are very much concerned with protection of natural resources but reducing the influence in the watershed of outsiders. Their interests is to protect their properties.

In another case, the agricultural producers and processors, private businesses, and other concerned individuals created the Yakima River Council. They are the primary users of the watershed. Unlike the first case, which was more concerned of their properties, this case presents the importance of water conservation and storage to the users of the watershed.

The third case discusses the conflicting interests of the participants of the watershed organization. The landowners were more interested in focusing the program/plan to flood control and they were more particular in the demarcation of boundaries and who should be included. The government's interest is on the restoration side. Obviously, they were both heading on opposite directions. One reason that the author stated is the broad representation of governmental and non-governmental interests and participants in the steering committee made it difficult for the organization to achieve their goals. Size does matter.

There are huge political, economic and social obstacles to success in the dvelopment and implementation of watershed policy. It also involves the intermingling of scientificc facts and cultural value. These factors will show a broader sense of the difficulties in resolving the contending interests in watershed policymaking.

The second case would be more appropriate in being adequate, viable, and correct in responding to the policy problem. The watershed organization was created in Yakima River in response to the persistent drought which was very detrimental to the ecosystem and wild salmons. It would showcas an interplay in the social, economic and political aspects of the problem. The first case responded to aself-vested interest fulfillment. One may read between the lines that the private property owners formed an organization to protect their property rights. The elits ruled in the decision-making. More than anything, they want to be secured of what they have.

The case of the Sacramento river can be associated with Grinelle & Thomas' assertions on the concerns of policy elites in making decisions. Technical advise from the government was a big help and bureaucratic implications were considered in the planning process. Dye, in his book understand public policy also discusses that elite preferences are more likely to be in accord with public policy than mass preferences.

Everybody lies

Doesn't Everybody Lie? Why do we tell lies? Lying is one of those human foibles that seems more serious when someone else is doing it.

Why do we believe them? Whether we withhold the truth or tell a half-truth, we don't always tell the whole truth. Personal gullibility and vulnerability are frightening. We can't believe we are capable of being lulled into believing something that isn't true or that we trusted an untrustworthy person. We don't want to have to admit that we can be manipulated. Confronting our potential for exaggeration and/or evil is embarrassing and painful. Truth reveals our own secrets -- the lies we've told, the things we've done and people we have hurt. It takes brutal honesty and courage to stare at our own dark side, let alone to confess it. The truth that frees also hurts. Denial looks like less work. We like the person and want to believe what is being said.

Can we become more discerning about whom? How much to trust without being overly suspicious? Healing mental and spiritual wounds does not happen overnight. Rebuilding trust is hard work. The liar must take responsibility and realize that trust must be earned.

Lies can undermine credibility, disintegrate relationships and erode trust. It strip us of innocence. We wonder if the person who has lied to us ever told us the truth. Truth in greek is aletheia meaning "not hidden." To lie is to hide the truth.

Nada Surf agrees that everybody lies when she wrote her piece "Everybody lies...everybody lies... everybody all the time. I lie to go to sleep when all is wrong or right. Most of it's not there. Everything and everywhere I lie about you and me too but it's allright. Everybody lies make the wrong right."

Mark Twain once said "Everybody lies, every day every hour, awake, asleep, in his dream, in his joy and in his mourning." We live in a world of deception. In a world of deception, where people twist words to their advantage, we seldom question veracity or check sources. Lies influence history and persuade people. Some people are masters at telling us what we want to hear and what they want us to believe.

The phrase has been heard many times from the famous Dr. Gregory House. It has been a trademark of House which he describes as a creative process. A mantra which fans started calling house-ism's philosophy. Lying is gaining acceptance as a philosophy of life and it becomes a growing hole in our moral ozone.

HOUSE is an award winning tv series which captured the hearts of many people. In fact, the American Film Institute honored the show as one of the TV Programs of the Year and received the Peabody Award for Best of Electronic Media in 2005. It also received an Emmy Award for creator and executive producer David Shore (Outstanding Writing for a Drama Series), two Golden Globe Awards for Hugh Laurie (Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series) and a Screen Actors Guild Award for Laurie (Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Drama Series).

The series has transformed such programs to a more pleasing and entertaining medical drama. by solving mysteries where the antagonist is a medical blight and the protagonist is a mocking and insolent, controversial doctor who breaks most of the protocols, trusts no one and prefers to sit down in his office and solve the challenging diagnostic rather than meet his patients and listen to their lies. For House, not every story rings true. Not everyone reads the same rule book or is guided by your ethical, moral and spiritual principles. You watch people's footsteps -- where they are heading and not just what they are saying. Notice the message beneath the words. Learn the typical responses people give when confronted with their lies. This is how he works.

However, not all lies are the same. They come in many forms, ranging from intentional falsehoods that are mean-spirited to innocent fibs that many people feel cause little harm. Lies can include :

White lies - harmless
Darker lies - When a liar gets away with it, the better he gets at lying. He learns to sidestep his responsibility. The issue is evaded and the harmless lie grows into another more malignant lie. In time, lying becomes a lifestyle.
Pathological lies - Habitual, compulsive liars relish the idea of hooking others into "the game." Self-absorbed with winning at all costs, they are addicted to their own deceit. Charming and convincing, these liars use their ability to be likeable as the key to our trusting them. Confusing "liking" with "trusting," we overlook the fact that they are conniving, with no remorse for their behavior or empathy for our hurt.

Its stint as a tv series, the episode “Three Stories” gained a Humanitas Prize in 2006. And in 2007, the series was nominated twice for the episode “House vs. God" episode and an Emmy in the Outstanding Drama Series category.

Most of the episodes have in one way or another proven House's mantra that everbody lies. Livermore Laboratory research chemist Cliff Coon said that "the heart of lying is that we want to be like God, who spoke into being the universe. So we speak into existence the world we want to see. We lie because we honestly believe it is the best thing we can do on our own behalf at the moment." We lie to preserve a sense of self. We make ourselves look better than we really are because we want to be liked. We exaggerate our circumstances to pump up our egos or to conceal shame, fear and disappointment. It may be too embarrassing or painful to confront the truth about others or ourselves. We lie to avoid getting caught. We lie to gain financially.

For the past three seasons, House has propelled a team of young experts : Dr. Allison Cameron is an immunologist, the empathetic staff; Dr. Robert Chase is an intensivist, the creative one, and; Dr. Eric Foreman is a neurologist, the academically best performer. The team has helped House unravel diagnostic mysteries with his maverick methods and daring decisions. In addition to the team, Dr. James Wilson, an oncology specialist, is House's best friend and confidant who tolerates his cynicism. Another interesting characte is Dr. Lisa Cuddy who is the Dean of Medicine and hospital administrator. Dr. Cuddy accounts for and assumes most of House's trouble as a result of his untolerable and unconventional behaviorwhich she admits that his brilliance is worth the trouble.

As Season Four opens, House has lost his original diagnostic team which gave him an opportunity to make recruiting of specialists as interesting and as unconventional as possible. He has made the recruitment process like a contest in which 40 applicants compete in vacating the spot by playing along with House's interest.