Tracks of my tears

I thought the Motown episode of American Idol Season 8's best performance was that of Anoop Desai. I wasn't really paying attention to what they were singing until I saw the re-run yesterday. I admit I have to make a change of heart....Adam Lambert's version of the "Tracks of my tears" was just lovely. I guess one reason is that I can relate...and whenever I feel so emotional...i sing my feelings. Although not all the lyrics are appropriate for me, I thought parts of it are me :

Although I might be laughing loud and hearty
Deep inside I'm blue
So take a good look at my face
You'll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer, it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears..

Outside I'm masquerading
Inside my hope is fading
Just a clown oh yeah
....My smile is my make up
I wear since my break up with you..
So take a good look at my face
You'll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer, it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears

I have thought of it for the longest time. I knew all along that it wouldn't be easy but doing it for real makes me want to die. My heart was crashing.

While we were waiting, there was a lovely silence. There are times when silence has the loudest voice. I can remember Leigh, Monica, Luther, George, John, Ringo and Paul serenading us...keeping us company while we savor each moment...while waiting for that sensational moment. Music and silence..a true perfect strong combination. Music fills the silence and silence is full of music.

We ended up in silence. Sometimes silence is also a time to let go and allow people to hurt themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when its all over. It was time to go....and it was the longest drive back to where I parked my car. It has been a dreadful silence. Silence that has the most powerful scream. Yes, saying nothing sometimes says the most.

Lying is done with words and also silence. Whenever I am not ready to face the battle or to answer the truth or just simply afraid that it's not the answer that he wants to hear...i remain silent. Most of the time, I do it because I always want to please the person not because I just want to lie. So, in not knowing what he wants, I shut up my mouth. There was one question that I have kept silent all throughout and I know I have to keep lying even to myself. I'd be a fool and a hypocrite if I say no but in reality...it has been and always will be....in the Track of tears.