I was trying to distract myself from shedding a tear. I had to plug my earphone and listen to the songs that was supposed to help me recover myself back to its normal state. As if taunting, Lauren Christy sang "Steep". I wanted a more upbeat music to help me revive my dying heart. Then like a knife that feels like being twisted inside me getting deeper and deeper, Celine Dion sings her heart out with "I love you....Goodbye".

I need to feel alive again. I soak my hands and try to grab and hold the sand in my hands. I wanted to hold it and bring it home with me but little by little as I walk through the shore, I notice that the grains kept on slipping through my fingers. Then I stop and face the sun as it sets. I knew then that I can't hold my hands tight enough to carry my sand. So as the water washes the falling sand on my feet, I opened my palm and painfully let go.

I'll never know if I did the right thing but I know it was the best at that moment. I'll never know if and when I come back and decide to keep the sand that I threw, it will still be there. What I know right now is that it hurts more than he'll ever know.