Language is leaving me in silence

Almost didn't make it on the stage. She was silent and I can see the longing in her eyes as if it was telling me, "just wanted to hear his voice". Have tried my best to uplift her mood but I don't think I can fill it in for him. Sometimes I just wish I'd take all the hurt of my kids especially now that they are being more expressive on what they want and what they need. I tried to reach out but just got rejected. I feel so mad for hurting her.

Am I being foolish or am I being wise?

I don't know if I am being foolish or if I am being wise. Feels like the tables have been turned. I feel so very lost right now. I am holding on to the little piece of sanity that is left of me. At one point, I try to look back and figure out what to do next. I am stuck in this limbo and time flies so quickly. Sooner or later, I am bound to nowhere. It was a leap of faith that I took and I can never blame it on anyone but me. I never thought that I would have to trash away my big pride and swallow every bittersweet things I heard. I can still feel the distance and the coldness. Sometimes it is to your disadvantage when you really know the person inside and out. The little things that means a lot I cannot see... I cannot feel. Just when I have had it all worked out and a clearing, the news came and took me by a very painful and killing surprise. In a snap of a finger, those words and promises became just merely words...meant nothing at all. Now we're left alone.

I can't help but think that spending time just meant passing the hours and getting some fun out of it. Every whisper on those intimate moments now felt like I was just part of a game because it was that easy to let go. After 2 painful and yet lovely and precious angels, I guess it was just part of that practice. A practice that came true for them. And as if suddenly in a blink of an eye, I am no longer needed. A no worth to the fight that has never been really there. I have fought all the way and I don't know if I am being a fool for thinking that there is still something left to hold on. Am I a fool for knowing that he is just waiting for me to feel tired and give up? Or am I being wise for tying a knot at the end of the rope and still hang on the cliff? When will I ever feel those arms reach out and fight for me? These thoughts are killing me...Am I being foolish or am I being wise?

This has been a classic fave of mine...something that i have always carried in my heart...

When you love someone you'll do anything
You'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain
You'll shoot the moon put out the sun
When you love someone
You'll deny the truth believe a lie
There'll be times that you'll believe
You can really fly
But your lonely nights have just begun
When you love someone
When you love someone you'll feel it deep inside
And nothin' else can ever change your mind
When you want someone, when you need someone
When you love someone
When you love someone, you'll sacrifice
You'd give it everything you got and
You won't think twice
You'd risk it all, no matter what may come
When you love someone
You'll shoot the moon, put out the sun
When you love someone