It is so damn freezing cold. It's like my whole body is aching from the breeze of the air eventhough I am wearing my jacket. My brain seemed to have been paralyzed with the coldness that lingers all day long. Just want to shake it off and bring back the heat again. I am trying to absorb everything but my heart just erratically and irregularly beats. I only have with me the fondest memories to warm me mentally and emotionally. I know I am moving on an inch forward. A few more and I'll be there shouting my hurrahs for finishing the race.
Earlier today, just from the top of my head, I suddenly remembered what his last words were...."If the shoe fits, wear it." Yeah it sounds like I was trying to sing the line from a song. "If it doesn't then you have to make some adjustments even if it means trading it, repairing it and if all else fails...discard it or walk on barefooted." I've already recovered from it but I was kind of having a wishful thinking. I knew then that I was young and that those nights that I've spent wasting every fluid that was coming out from my tear duct will eventually dry up. Somehow after each drama I created I felt better. I wish it is that simple.
It is starting to feel like I was the only one serious about it. If it finds him comfort in believing that they are not his own, I cannot do anything about it. Thinking along that line is one big bombshell that was dropped on me. Total naked truth : I'm so into him that I forgot everything that I believed in. Hoping that it could have gone somewhere. Should have just known that I was playing the game of life...
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