I was driving half asleep with my eyes wide open but my mind sleeping. My body was lazily maneuvering the wheels. My brain was freezing dead as my thoughts wander far away. While I was about to turn round the corner, I heard a loud honking sound. Good for me, my other senses were still working. My foot instinctively slammed on the brake while I tried to keep myself intact from that whooshing instance, I almost shouted out loud "Where the hell did it come from?" Obviously, I was caught off guard with the presence of another vehicle zooming right in front of my eyes. Whew, what a way to wake every inch of my body!
Although I was shaken by that incident, I thought I would be awake the whole day but I was wrong. My head ached and it seemed like I needed to drink coffee the whole day just to tick off that sleepy mood. I was spinning off the whole time and I couldn't much care less where I'm heading too.
At last the day ended and I will have that time to unwind. Dropped by to the usual hang-out and while I was waiting for their short-classic-hot-choco to be called out, I tried to sit back and browse some reading stuffs. While sitting in the sofa gave me a little comfort, I find it hard to concentrate not to veer away from our topic. Even while we were reminiscing and laughing our hearts out to those good old days, I was trying to masked the ache. Sadness flies away on the wings of time but how much fast are those wings?
I am figuratively dying inside. I continued browsing to hide the emptiness that my face might show. I have to look at something to stop a tear that has been dying to roll down my face.
Summer has just begun but I have a feeling that rain will come pouring down on me. And I have never felt any good when it rains much more when it pours. One step at a time and it has been a torture. I am starting to realize that it's never going to be easy. I have stopped asking the whys because I can never find the right answers. I have started to ignore because I know I have to start at least somewhere. I don't wonder anymore if I am or I was part of the plans. I stopped believing and I just got tired of waiting. I feel so eccentric at times....tormented and torn apart. Any chance that I can just wander off?
Darn, I lost track of time...it's almost cracking dawn...I guess I need to write this one...
Everytime I close my eyes I feel you near me
then the wind would blow and give me the chill
I would feel your arms wrapping around me
giving warmth to each and every inch of my body.
Thank you...thank you for giving me the greatest joy and gift
For a moment I thought you were bringing me home
But our boats parted and took a different drift
living our lives in an all makeshift.
Now it's time for me to open my eyes
to see and accept what is truly for me
I'll kiss the rain and leave a goodbye
Forget me then smile...than remember me and cry.
I guess even now, I will never understand how hard it is to lose what you never have and that you know you can never have.
.....Signing off.............
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